Why It’s So Hard to Make Friends as an Adult
Making friends as an adult can feel impossible.
We don’t talk about this enough – how difficult it can be to build and maintain friendships once we leap out of the nest and into the hustle, grind, and tedious demands of adulthood. School has a certain rhythm and structure that lends itself to integrating into each other's lives. We are able to forge and nurture strong bonds as kids, and are generally supported in maintaining them.
But something happens as we get deeper into adulthood. Life gets busier. We focus on career, maybe have a family. Our priorities change, we change. Suddenly, there are responsibilities, competing schedules, and fewer built-in opportunities to connect. Where it used to be a given, it now takes intention, time, energy, and masterful coordination to connect with the people you care about.
Culture writer Anne Helen Petersen calls this The Friendship Dip — the period from your late 20s through midlife when diverging paths, life stages, and priorities weaken even our strongest ties. Our social and community life for many is deprioritized for work, family, and individualistic tendencies.
The Drift
Disconnection rarely happens in a single, definitive moment. It creeps in quietly.
We move, change jobs, start or end relationships. We cancel plans. We think about calling a friend, but don’t. We have a conflict with a friend, grow apart. We have kids, pour ourselves into family or work, and tell ourselves “that’s just life.”
And little by little, connection slips down the priority list.
Then one day, you look around and realize: weekends feel lonely, group chats have gone quiet, and your social life is virtually non-existent.
The Shame Spiral
When this realization hits, shame can follow:
“Why is this so hard for me?”
“Everyone else seems to have friends.”
“There must be something wrong with me.”
Let me say this clearly: there is nothing wrong with you. You’re not alone. The truth is, most of us will face a “social drought” at some point. The Friendship Dip is real.
It’s Not Your Fault, But It Is Your Responsibility
“You’re either a person with time and energy for friends and community or you’re not. You’re a person with a somewhat malleable schedule or you’re not. You’re a person who has so many priorities in front of friends or you’re not.” - Anne Helen Peterson, The Friendship Dip
You can’t control every barrier. You don’t have to. Life is going to life, as they say. But you do have agency, and you can take ownership of the next step.
You can choose to build connection with intention, even in a busy life.
You can rebuild confidence, even if you feel rusty.
You can create friendships that feel genuine and mutual, even if they feel awkward at first.
It’s not about having 20 best friends (unless that’s your jam). For most of us, it’s about having a small circle of people who see you, get you, and are there when you need them – and doing the same for them.
It’s about alignment: bringing your priorities into line with your values. That could mean making space, stretching yourself, or inviting people into the everyday moments of your life — grocery shopping, dog walks, dinners of frozen pizza on paper plates - together. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. Let it be small.
What’s Next for You?
If something here resonates with you, here’s an invitation: start small.
Send one short text. Don’t overthink it. A quick “Hey, thinking of you” is enough.
Notice everyday openings. Look for chances to connect with people you already encounter — take an interest, have a quick chat, or invite an acquaintance to join you for a walk.
Ask for support. Shifting out of a strongly independent mindset can be challenging. It’s easier (and faster) when you don’t go it alone.
If you’re ready for structure, guidance, and encouragement, my Social Reset Group is a 12-week journey to rebuild connection, confidence, and community. Together, we’ll help you move past inertia, build momentum, and find your people.
Learn more here →